I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
