goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
