dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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