Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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