i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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