If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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