I think my fart just growled at me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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