it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
