Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
