Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
