I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
