idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So many bounce houses so little time
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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