I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
