PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
