I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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