she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
