Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
