dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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