ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
