There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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