I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
