Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize