Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
