I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
