I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
