I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Houston, we have a blender
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
