i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
