just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
