We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
