I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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