So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
