Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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