So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
