3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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