I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
