In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
