I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
