No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
