great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she looked like the before picture.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
