I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
