honey bunches of taint.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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