How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
