Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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