I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
