I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
