You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
