he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
