No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
