i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
