I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
