How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
