She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
