You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
