dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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