I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
