need another drink. this is the easiest way
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
