so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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