dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
4 words: hood of his car
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize