hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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