Can Purell be used as lube?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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