when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
