are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
