I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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