Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
