She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
