I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
