So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
