Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize