I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i drank out of a bidet.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
