fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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