even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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