Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
