The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
